If this is how love is, then i want it.

How am i today?

It has been a month and 3 weeks since coming over here. I would love to say that i have fitted in nicely and everything is dandy and fine.

Waking up everyday is a challenge. Not only i have to deal with washing my face in a manner that is alien to me (so not to wet the sides of the basin and having to wipe the mess up later), i have to also pretend to smile and make forced conversations with my host family. You see, i'm not a morning person and i really detest talking in the morning. All i want to do is shove my face with wheat bix and read junk mails left on the table, so leave me alone. Your indirect nagging is not helping the situation at all and it's not like you can't see that i'm trying real hard. To add salt to the wound, people around me are getting job offers, or at least first interviews to begin with.

I appreciate the home-cooked meals and the provision of a heater for cold nights but really i'm at a tipping point.

why.

The thought of not being able to remember things from the past is freaking me out. It has never occurred to me that one day i might like to look back at ol' photos/read ol' journals. I want to look back at those heart-wrenching moments, those despairs, those lonely thoughts, those confusions. I want to look back at the miracles, big or small, God has done for me. I want to read bout those heart-warming moments, those hopeful thoughts, those friendship stories, those certainties.

Reflect on life. that is what i want.